Many people are phobic, paranoid, and inhibited about the one need for happy survival that requires trusting another person.
A starving person is not hungry, even though he is starving. If one has not eaten in four or five days one feels very hungry. After four or five days of starvation, the pangs of hunger cease. The person continues to starve without hunger. Many people are starving for bonding, but have no symptoms. They do not understand why their intimate human relationships have so little pleasure. Many do not understand why they are so bored with their marriage. Many do not understand what their mates are complaining about.
Pain and pleasure in association to our biological needs are not only based on the quality of the need, but also on the quantity of those needs. Too much of the same thing or not enough can cause pain.
If we and our intimate loved ones are in basic good health, have financial security, and nobody is threatening our lives, or breaking down the doors, we should, by nature, feel happy, but we are not.
Don’t waste your time, effort, or money trying to fulfill a biological need by substituting culturally valued objects. All the gold in Fort Knox will not be a substitute for the lack of oxygen. Nor will all the alcohol, drugs, pills, or material objects. No one can buy their way out of their need for oxygen. They may buy oxygen but they cannot buy their way out of their need for oxygen. The only thing that will take away the pain due to the deprivation of oxygen is oxygen. There is one biologic need that one cannot buy, and that is the need for bonding.