Changing your mind is like learning to swim. It takes knowledge and experiential practice. By the way, changing your mind is what psychiatrists call psychotherapy.
Have you heard “change the way you think, and the rest will follow; (or) change the way you feel and the rest will follow; (or) change your behavior and the rest will follow.” The rest do not follow.
You might be carrying around with you two big secrets, either “I am not loveable and/or I am not good enough.” They were my secrets and, by the way, the secret thoughts and feelings of most people that enter my process.
Physical illness may take away our happiness, but physical well-being does not automatically give it to us. Doctors go to school to learn about diseases not “dis-eases.” They learned how to change sick into well. They took no courses on how you change well into happy.
Don’t waste your time, effort, or money trying to fulfill a biological need by substituting culturally valued objects. All the gold in Fort Knox will not be a substitute for the lack of oxygen. Nor will all the alcohol, drugs, pills, or material objects. No one can buy their way out of their need for oxygen. They may buy oxygen but they cannot buy their way out of their need for oxygen. The only thing that will take away the pain due to the deprivation of oxygen is oxygen. There is one biologic need that one cannot buy, and that is the need for bonding.
Since childhood we have been forced by conditioning to put people above us … We end up trying to balance the scale by putting others below us. Many of us continue to maintain this unfair, invalid, wasteful time and energy consuming, castrating system all our lives.